Advice needed.

Kellies No.1 British fan · 12-16-2007, 11:12 AM

OK, this feels a little wierd writing this on here, but here goes.
Well i'm 19 and i go to college and there is this girl that also goes to my college that i really like. She's someone that since the first time i ever saw her, i couldn't stop thinking about her. She's the type of girl that everybody looks at when she walks into the room. And the past couple of days i've noticed that she has been looking at me all the time, and my friends said they noticed it as well.
But there are 2 problems, 1. i'm probably the most shy person you could ever meet, (until i get to know you, that is). 2. she isn't in any of my classes.

So what i really want to know is whether i should just get over her, or whether i should approach her. But if i did go up to her, what should i say. Because if she doesn't like me and i have been reading the signals wrong, i would feel pretty stupid.

If any of you could help, that would be amazing.
John

p.s. i know what you're thinking, "dude your 19, surely you should know what to do". Well maybe i should but i really don't.

rwealone · 12-16-2007, 01:20 PM

First of all, timing is everything.
At the very first opportune moment, approach her with, "Hi, I'm John. Would you like to have coffee with me?".......or words to that affect.

Metrostar · 12-16-2007, 02:05 PM

Hey John, might have to dispute you on the No.1 British Fan title there bud!

But that's another conversation...

Right, avoiding the embarrassment and rejection factor is pretty important as that stuff hurts. If I were you I would try to find out as much as I could about the girl without being creepy(!) and seeing if you actually might be compatible. If not, you just gotta chalk it up to a bit of fantasy and move onto the next one. If you do think you might be compatible then you have got to make a move. You'll hate yourself if you think there's a chance it will work and you did nothing. But what to do? I gotta go with the 'laying the foundations' approach myself. If your eyes meet you just give a cool smile and see what you get back, then you pass her in the hall and you give her the nod and see what happens. If she's smiling back at you then get to 'Hi' and then the 'Stop and chat'. Don't ask her out though, if you've got as far as the Stop and chat then this is where you get to find out more stuff about her and also find out if she will like you maybe more than friends. This might take a couple of weeks, but you wont get hurt this way. Let us know how you get on and by the way, good to see not only a brit on the board but one from just up the road as well.

rwealone · 12-16-2007, 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Metrostar

Hey John, might have to dispute you on the No.1 British Fan title there bud!

But that's another conversation...

Right, avoiding the embarrassment and rejection factor is pretty important as that stuff hurts. If I were you I would try to find out as much as I could about the girl without being creepy(!) and seeing if you actually might be compatible. If not, you just gotta chalk it up to a bit of fantasy and move onto the next one. If you do think you might be compatible then you have got to make a move. You'll hate yourself if you think there's a chance it will work and you did nothing. But what to do? I gotta go with the 'laying the foundations' approach myself. If your eyes meet you just give a cool smile and see what you get back, then you pass her in the hall and you give her the nod and see what happens. If she's smiling back at you then get to 'Hi' and then the 'Stop and chat'. Don't ask her out though, if you've got as far as the Stop and chat then this is where you get to find out more stuff about her and also find out if she will like you maybe more than friends. This might take a couple of weeks, but you wont get hurt this way. Let us know how you get on and by the way, good to see not only a brit on the board but one from just up the road as well.

Hey, Dude, you can do all that over coffee. Half hour to an hour tops and you have all all the 411 you need. If you don't like each other, so be it and move on. If you hit it off, good. You win.

Metrostar · 12-16-2007, 04:39 PM

Yeah, I agree. Me? I just come right out and say it, but John? He said he was really shy so I was thinking about that.

pickluh · 12-16-2007, 06:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Metrostar

Yeah, I agree. Me? I just come right out and say it, but John? He said he was really shy so I was thinking about that.

I thought I was shy once too. Then I tried Fred's approach and found out that I was worried about nothing. It doesn't much matter who you are, people are usually flattered to know that you find them attractive.

Metrostar · 12-16-2007, 06:40 PM

I think it's too easy to say go for it. As a father of two young kids, my instinct is to protect and the last thing I want to happen to John is for him to get hurt. I've spent 10 years working with kids and teenagers for the local council and I am always cautious about dishing out advice via message boards. You really need to consider the variables in my opinion. I'm sure John will value our input and gain some confidence from knowing that people are taking an interest and that can only be good. But I'd like to know more before simply telling him to go for it. Just my honest opinion.

pickluh · 12-16-2007, 06:45 PM

John, I'm with Fred on this. Just let her know you're interested. You just have to ask yourself, "What's the worse that can happen?" If she's not interested, but is a nice person, she'll say "Thanks, I'm flattered, but 'no thanks'." If she's REALLY not nice, she might laugh in your face. There's little chance of that, but even if it happens, you just learned she's not the type anyone should even want as a friend and you won't have to waste time thinking about her.

In the long run, it's a lot less trouble to take the risk and find out than to go on wondering. If you are reading the signals right, you have to consider that she won't stay interested forever. In fact, she may begin to feel rejected and resent it.

You'll find that you'll regret the things you didn't do much more than the things you did.

Pickled Pink · 12-17-2007, 07:09 AM

As a woman myself, I am thinking that her looking at you a lot means she does like you. Maybe she's a little shy too. Girls learn NOT to look too much at guys they are not interested in, as too many guys will take ANY LITTLE THING as a sign a cute girl is madly in love with them.

Just a thought.

fanofkellie · 12-17-2007, 06:04 PM

When I was in school, John, I was so shy it was painful. So I certainly can relate, but I still think I prefer Fred's approach for you. I would stroll by her, catch her eye, smile and say hi, and if she returns the smile and greeting, then stop and chat, asking her if she would like to join you for a cup of tea or coffee. You've really got nothing to lose, and as Nikki stated, you probably wouldn't have attracted her attention if she had no interest.

Kellies No.1 British fan · 12-23-2007, 08:18 AM

Thanks guys, i really appreciate the advice.
I think i may need to do something, because like you said even if she is interested, she won't be forever.
Thanks guys.
John

sdnil427 · 12-24-2007, 11:37 PM

hey John, i just posted something similar to this but the girl version, haha! anyways, yeah i say go for it. ask her out. but find out if she has a boyfriend first. and yeah if she's always looking at you then she might be interested. that's what i do when i like a guy, i'm always looking at him or trying to find him...

Kellies No.1 British fan · 12-28-2007, 05:27 AM

Thanks again guys. I let you what happens when i next see her, which will probably be Thursday next week.
John