My Life,My Story

[KellieShellieGirl]

During my upbringing I was taught by example,to live up to everyone's expectations,it can be a heavy burden,and i had trouble saying no.The main reason i'm sharing my life with you is this,your my second family.I feel comfortable enough now to be that open book that has been meaning to come out for awhile now.This past year here at Kfans has been an amazingly awesome feeling,no words can describe it,and well,i'm going to begin my journey,my life story with all of you.
I'll be here to post new chapters daily,and that first one will be tonight.
This is my story,in my words,may they help you discover the person you are and the purpose you are here for.

I was born on the hot summer day of August 25,1977,it was the late seventies and times were definately changing. I don't recall my first two years,however,at the age of 3 I was able to sit up and take notice of the entertainment world,I was absolutely enticed by TV and wanted to be inside the TV,I'm a daydreamer,a mover,and a shaker.hehehe..My grandma Ruth was and still is my angel.For the first 6 years of my life,she was my caregiver while my parents worked their blue collar jobs,my mom a factory worker and my father a produce farmer.Grandma Ruth instilled in me the importance of beauty,it wasn't what lied on the outside,but what was within you. She knew of my beauty and my voice,I still look back and reflect of those times spent with her and the words and wisdom she shared,grandma Ruth was a woman with the heart of gold and practiced what she preached,she was a devoted housewife and mother to her 5 children,Emery,Ronald,Patricia,Sandra,my mommy and Robert.
I am an only child who came to find out of having a half brother after my first 4 years,it was great news to learn. My dad had visitation rights and Donny spent his weekends,holidays and summer months with us,but it was never peaches and cream. My brother and dad clashed quite a bit,my dad was the best parent to Donny,but his mom turned him away from us,my brother had the chance to still be a part of us all and he left it behind due to some pretty harsh circumstances.

TO BE CONTINUED....DA.DA.DA.DA...

[pick_pickler23]

Wow. Thanks for sharing your life story with us, Shellie! I'm sure it's tought.

I can't wait to read the rest!

[KellieShellieGirl]

Those circumstances came at a heavy price at an early age for me,I learned of the tone and tempers,the verbal language between father and son,but most of all the harrassment and the antigonistic remarks and critizism. Donny reminded me at one time that dad will be the same with me one day,i didn't listen and will learn the long hard way about things.It was a rude awakening.
My father is a good man,and honest,he served our country,and is a true hero in my eyes. A Veitnam Veteran who's fought the system for as long as i can remember.My dad suffers with Post traumatic Stress Syndrom,most war veterans suffer with this and take prescription medications to regulate their moods. My father is a blunt man,not afraid to stand up for what's right.He's done me proud,although of my earliest memories weren't great,my dad and I argued quite often and at times were verbally abusive.He was doing his best to raise me right and he made sure of it,infact,he did everything to make sure i stay on the narrow path.He was the disiplinairan,while my mom on the other hand was more of the caregiver and nurturer.Mom made sure of it for me to act like a lady,with manners.Mom and dad did what they had to do to raise me right.

My days were mostly spent entertaining myself from the time i could start talking,i was a loud bosterious child,and mischeivious,a real ham bone;clowning around and messing around,as my grandmother would say. She knew from early on the entertainer in me and the voice i had. She wanted to enter me into local beauty pageants,however,mom and dad had a say so,and their answers were always a stern NO.They didn't want me to be a part of that atmosphere or lifestyle. Now that i'm older i can understand their trepidations of keeping me the humble country girl that i am.
In the public eye i was quite backward,shy and an awkward child,didn't speak unless i was spoken to.I was a happy kid,but deep inside i faced many many self esstem issues and insecurities,after my grandma Ruth passed away when i was 6 years old i spent alot of my time with my other grandmother,my grandma Evelyn,she is my dad's mom.My weekends at times were spent with her at her trailer where she lived,she was a heavy smoker and drank.Her trailer always smelled of cigarrette smoke,i would always come home to smelling like a chimney from second hand smoke.I loved my grandma Evelyn,she was a tough old lady who had a strong belief system,"If you want something in life,you go for it,and never give up". It's a good philosophy to live by i have to say.
Grandma had a way of being quite pushy and pushed many things on me at times,and I had to please her,you didn't want to get on grandma Evelyn's bad side.

[KellieShellieGirl]

Originally Posted by pick_pickler23

Wow. Thanks for sharing your life story with us, Shellie! I'm sure it's tought.

I can't wait to read the rest!

It has been a long,long journey Amanda,your actually going to make me cry before I write even more.

[pick_pickler23]

Originally Posted by KellieShellieGirl

It has been a long,long journey Amanda,your actually going to make me cry before I write even more.

I'm sure it has been!

Aww I didn't mean to! lol

[KellieShellieGirl]

Originally Posted by pick_pickler23

I'm sure it has been!

Aww I didn't mean to! lol

It has been,and it's quite okay,it's a happy cry.

[Pickled Pink]

Thanks so much for sharing your own personal story Shellie! You are one of my heroes here at Kellie Fans and I so look up to you and admire you.

I especially remember the beautiful and very sincere poem you wrote to Kellie for the contest Unkie Ernie set up. You have a beautiful spirit and shine like the sun when you are being open.

Love you!!! Nikki C.

[KellieShellieGirl]

My first school experience was a happy one,although I was so shy and backward it was hard to make friends,but i do recall one girl in my kindergarden class Kim became my very first friend.She and I played a lot together,and in time I made other friends. I loved school,it was the happiest place to be with others who were so excepting of one another. Trinity was a private christian school,i recieved the best education there.After two years at Trinity the school closed it's doors and was torn down,I was then moved to another school,Hertiage Christian,another private school.My surroundings with those who were so excepting was incredibly amazing. I was quite different though as a student,earlier on I was tested with LDD,Learning Deficit Disorder,a learning disability that hinders my learning compatibility,although i was in private school,i was able to be tutored in between my classes for extra help. Heritage didn't have any special education programs.During my time at Heritage my parents were facing some hard times with the farming buisness my dad was a partner in,i didn't know of the issues and circumstances,and to this very day am still out of the loop of what exactly happened.My mother's position was pretty much the same,around the time i was in 3rd grade,we were facing even more issues and had to file for welfare,i felt so embarressed and ashamed at times going through the check out line at grocery stores with food stamps,but we didn't have a choice.On top of things my body was changing and i felt so incredibly insecure about my looks and the way i felt inside.I was happy on the outside,but things didn't feel right inward.I began to reflect though at the time grandma Ruth spoke to me about inner beauty and what i have inside is more precious than what lies on outer appearance. I did however began to brace my inner diva and the fact how much i loved performing,I was a part of many sketches and plays during my school and church days,and many have been so so memorable.My very first play was a production of the Sound of Music,my role was of the youngest Von Trap child Greta,I was 5 years old at the time.Many plays and productions were yet to come.At least that's what i thought.

[KellieShellieGirl]

I was once again transfered to a new school and this time around wasn't expected,the difference in this school were the kids my age,everyone had their own cliques and groups.Most of my classes were seperate from those around me,I stuck out as a sore thumb,many were in regular classes,while i was in special education;english,reading,writing,arithmatic,scien ce,and history were all of one in the special education program. My first day of public school was miserable and i came home crying with the largest of tears streaming down my face.No one was excepting of me,except of those in in special ed.I was lonely and hurt deeply,i kept my distance mostly and built a wall around myself,i met friends in special ed,and one girl in particular was my best friend,Angela was learning diabled as well as many of the other kids were in special ed,Angie and I had a bond that lasted 10 years,unfortunately Angie took advantage of me and showed such disrespect for my privacy,the friendship was broken,I no longer have a relationship with her.The year i was in fifth grade changed the course of my life pretty much,it was during music class that Mrs.Crawford announced junior choir,those who opted to sign up and audition filled their requirement for music class. I hopped at the opportunity and auditioned.I walked to the piano and the pianist asked me which song i would be singing. I chose Oh Beautiful!two of the boys from my special ed class who had just auditioned were standing on either side of me while I sang,I belted out all i had in me.At the time my soprano voice was a bit pitchy,although the tone was quite on key,it turned out well,and as soon i was finished with my performance,everyone stood in awe of me,it was an absolutely amazing feeling to have that feed back.I was in my element at that very moment,no other words could describe it.This was it,my voice was my talent that i found unexpectedly.Although i always had a large voice that would carry through out our house,i was always singing or dancing and acting,it just was a part of me,it was my security.I wasn't myself when i was performing,i was a different person.My daily rehersals were more important to me than school work,and my grades were slipping,most of my time was spent daydreaming of becomming a performer a musican,i would find myself doodling my autograph quite often and to this very day i still do.My parents were less enthused about my ambitions and my father was my worst critic,he was constantly putting me down,he didn't have faith in me,and not supportive,mom though pretty much stayed out of the conversations dad and i had mostly.Mom and dad wanted me to worry more about my education,having a solid education was far more important than the silly dreams i had,however,those silly dreams weren't so silly,I never gave up though,singing was my greatest passion,at the time i was drawn to the inner core of the music industry and was learning the basics of what i had to do to get there,it's a heavy price to pay.Most of the programs i watched were just the tools for me,one program became a stepping tool to be exact,it was a revamped version of the Mickey Mouse Club,also known as the MMC.They were kids just like me living their dreams.I was keen on the aspects of the choreography,the behind the scenes stuff they would show and the rehearsal times spent daily before each show began.It was a 24 hour a day 7 days a week for these kids.A load of work for any kid at that age.It came to my understanding what i was doing in junior choir was just the beginning stages and prepping me.I spent the next 5 years in my school choir.

[KellieShellieGirl]

My regular attendance with church was just as much as a stepping tool,most of those play proudctions and choir performances was given such great apprasial from the congregation. My happiness and joy were with those who i were extremely closest to involved or a part of the church.I spent countless hours at church,devoted to every cause imaginable,most of my closets and dearest friends at church were most excepting of me and who i was. I had such love at church,and great support and encouragement.The good Lord himself is my protector.
My sundays were blissful and our church retreats and mission trips were inspirational.Church was home to me,when my own home had it's flaws and imperfections.Dad and I never saw eye to eye on anything,and his tireless work ethic drove me to realize the man he is.Although dad was pretty consumed with work,he still managed to make things work at home and he worked with me to improve my grades.It was a top priority,and he taught me the value of responsibilty.I pretty much grew up around adults,so I was a pretty serious kid who didn't have fun a good part of the time. My fun time was performing and acting silly,keeping myself entertained.Many of my hopes and dreams kept me going and never giving up on myself.It was that philosophy my grandma Eveyln instilled in me.

[KellieShellieGirl]

During most of those school years I worked hard at getting the best grades possible,however school was rough on me and i was hard on myself mostly,most kids had it easy passing each course when i struggled with it,music and performing were more for me than school,and i did everything imaginable to get out of going to school,i was a great actor and faked being ill mostly,and missed quite a bit of school. I even locked myself in my room once from going,it was a regret of mine because my grandmother Evelyn was terribly hurt and upset over my actions.It was a lesson i learned not to take my family for granted.