'Idol' singer's mom tells of shame, amends

[Drew Lipski]

'Idol' singer's mom tells of shame, amends
Mandy Locke, Staff Writer
RALEIGH - Choking back tears on the stage at Walnut Creek Amphitheater on Friday night, former "American Idol" sweetheart Kellie Pickler sang a song of questions to the mother who abandoned her.
In a church sanctuary not five miles away, Pickler's mother, Cynthia Malone, prayed once more for the strength to fully forgive herself for deserting Pickler as a toddler.

What was once a mother's private shame has become national intrigue as Pickler, 21, a budding country music vocalist, penned a song about a little girl's longing for a vanished mother. "I Wonder" is climbing the Billboard Hot Country Songs list, hitting No. 15 this month.

Malone, who lives in the Triangle, said it was hard to hear the first words her daughter had spoken to her in a decade uttered in a song on the radio. The lyrics are more mournful than angry, more pitiful than judging, but Pickler poses painful questions:

"Did you think I didn't need you here/ To hold my hand/ To dry my tears/ Did you even miss me through the years at all?"

The song -- and Pickler's discussions about her tough childhood -- unleashed a range of emotions for Malone. Embarrassment faded to anger, which turned to hurt. Now, Malone is using the conversation that Pickler started in a song to speak to strangers about her struggles.

Malone, 38, spoke last week about leaving her daughter and her efforts to escape abusive relationships. She said she is finally free and healthy and wants to help other victims of domestic violence. She has joined with Interact, Wake County's domestic violence support center, to assist victims and hopes her unwelcome fame as Pickler's estranged mom will make them listen.

'To help one girl'

"I can't change anybody's mind or their perception of me," said Malone, widening dark eyes that match her daughter's. "But, if I had a dream, it would be to help one girl. To let her know that you don't have to do it by yourself."

Pickler declined through her publicist, Wes Vause, to comment for this story. Vause said Pickler's song captures her thoughts best.

Pickler sings in part: "Forgiveness is such a simple word/ But it's so hard to do when you've been hurt."

Pickler's father, Clyde "Bo" Pickler Jr., 42, whom Kellie has described as an alcoholic often jailed during her childhood, is behind bars again in Stanly County. He was convicted last week of stealing cars and pawning them for scrap metal, a Stanly County Sheriff's Office official said. Clyde Pickler is also on probation for assaulting his current wife with a steak knife. His attorney did not return calls.

Malone was 16 and a country girl living in Stanly County when she fell for Clyde Pickler. He pulled up to her window at a local McDonald's drive-thru. She was smitten, and quickly they became a pair.

"He told me everything I wanted to hear," Malone said. "He told me he loved me, that I was pretty, that he wanted to be there and protect me from my dad. I wholeheartedly believed him."

Soon, Malone got pregnant with Kellie. She said she resisted family pressure to have an abortion and married Clyde Pickler instead. That was when the trouble started.

The beatings came fast and furious, Malone said. She tried to shield her bulging belly and had to take medicine to temper premature contractions.

"I knew God had to have a purpose for [Kellie] because there was too many times I would have miscarried because of all the hitting and beating on my stomach," Malone said.

Eight months pregnant, Malone went to a baby shower with a black eye and busted lip. She told family members she had run into a wall. No one questioned her, Malone said.

Kellie's birth in 1986 seemed to unleash even more violence in their home. Malone said she called police so many times that officers knew her by name. Once, she said, her husband threw her through a glass shower door and choked her before vanishing. For three days, Malone said, she wrapped Kellie in blankets and hid her behind their bed, in case her husband returned in a rage.
Court and police records from these years are scattered and incomplete. Clyde Pickler was convicted of assault by pointing a gun in 1986; the victim was a family member of Malone's. Malone described the abuse as far back as 1988 in custody and divorce records.

Malone said she has never known her former husband to harm Kellie.

"He wouldn't," she said. "She's blood. His princess."

A fearful mother flees

By the summer of 1988, Malone had had enough. She had shut down and could think of little more than survival.

"When you're in that place, you have to make a decision: her life or yours," Malone said during an emotional five-hour interview. "I'd given her life, but I didn't want to lose mine."

The morning after an immobilizing beating, Malone said, she dropped 2-year-old Kellie off at her in-laws', stuffed a few items in her car and headed to Jacksonville to hide with family. She grabbed a few baby pictures, Kellie's baby blanket and the outfit she brought her home from the hospital in.

Malone told no one she was leaving.

A year later, Malone showed up at a custody hearing to try to preserve some custody rights to Kellie. Clyde Pickler's parents, Clyde Sr. and the late Faye Pickler, asked a judge for full guardianship. Malone said she disappeared again after her husband threatened her life if she reappeared.

Malone stayed gone for many years. She would drive by her former in-laws', though, and park near the road to catch a glimpse of Kellie playing in the yard. She looked happy, Malone recalled.

In 1995, Malone got herself together enough to reunite with her daughter. A judge granted her custody. Kellie was in the fourth grade.

Malone said it was good for about a day; the two baked cookies and played checkers.

Soon, their relationship unraveled. Malone said Kellie desperately longed for her grandparents. She threw fits and threatened to kill herself, Malone said. Kellie's grandparents alleged in court records that Malone abused Kellie; a judge found her not guilty of child abuse.

Eventually Malone surrendered, heartbroken. She turned Kellie back over to the Picklers and took off again.

"I don't know what was hardest," Malone said -- "watching her from afar or having her wrapped up beside me."

Apart for a decade

It has been 10 years since the two have met. Malone said she lived for the glimpses of her daughter on "American Idol" in 2006. She recorded each episode and watched it again and again. She raves about Kellie's voice.

In the years since they have parted, Malone has struggled. She said she survived a series of violent relationships and barely escaped with her life in 2002. An estranged husband lay in wait for her, Malone said, and attacked her. She suffered major brain damage and had to learn to walk and talk again. She has had eight surgeries to rebuild a shattered face and replace her teeth.

She fled to Colorado after that attack and changed her last name to Malone through a protection program for victims of domestic violence. She has kept a low profile since returning to North Carolina a few years ago. She lives in the Triangle and works in financial services but declined to be specific about her whereabouts. Malone is still wary one of her abusers will find her.

Malone doesn't want to address her daughter through the media and won't discuss their current relationship. Pickler's publicist said he doesn't think Malone and Pickler are in contact.
Pickler landed a recording deal with BNA Records and 19 Recordings and left Stanly County to launch her career. She fills her mom in on her adventure in the last verse of "I Wonder."

"And just in case you're wondering about me/ From now on I won't be in Carolina/ Your little girl is off/ Your little girl is off/ Your little girl is off to Tennessee."

(Staff writer Martha Quillin and news researcher Denise Jones contributed to this report.)

KELLIE PICKLER LYRICS

'I Wonder'

Sometimes I think about you

Wonder if you're out there somewhere thinking bout me

And would you even recognize

The woman that your little girl has grown up to be

Cause I look in the mirror and all I see

Are your brown eyes looking back at me

They're the only thing you ever gave to me at all

Oh, I hear the weather's nice in California

There's sunny skies as far I can see

If you ever come back home to Carolina

I wonder what you'd say to me

I think about how it ain't fair

That you weren't there to braid my hair

Like mothers do

You weren't around to cheer me on

Help me dress for my high school prom

Like mothers do

Did you think I didn't need you here

To hold my hand

To dry my tears

Did you even miss me through the years at all

Oh, I hear the weather's nice in California

There's sunny skies as far I can see

If you ever come back home to Carolina

I wonder what you'd say to me

Forgiveness is such a simple word

But it's so hard to do when you've been hurt

Oh, I hear the weather's nice in California

And just in case you're wondering about me

From now on I won't be in Carolina

Your little girl is off

Your little girl is off

Your little girl is off to Tennessee

newsobserver.com | Lifestyles

[robert1848]

Maybe none of this should be written about in this forum, and if James thinks that is the best thing to do, he certainly will delete this post and I will certainly understand.

However, this is out there now, and it will be talked about a lot in the upcoming months. Each person is going to have a take on this, and I think discussion is helpful. I would certainly like to hear some others' opinions about this.

Unfortunately, this is no longer a part of Kellie's private life. The media has seen to that. But this is not tabloid journalism. It is a real problem that exists in many families. Maybe the problem of spousal abuse is present in families of members who come here.

I think it is helpful to discuss these sensitive topics out in an open forum, and not form opinions from limited or one-sided information. Maybe, just maybe, some of this discussion could help someone find the strength to not abandon a child. Or, maybe give someone the strength to get out of an abusive relationship with their child in tow. If this were to occur, either by this topic being discussed on Kelliefans, or somewhere else, don't you think Kellie would be in favor of that? Of course she would. That's why she wrote the song.

The song is written from the perspective of a 10 year old girl (like in the video). Kellie as an adult has admitted she has been unable to really come to grips with this issue. Related to this issue, she is probably still that little girl. It is going to take time and only Kellie will know when the time is right. We have to be patient. The song is very simple. The problem that is behind it is not.

That said, here are my few comments:


Some of the above is probably true. Facts sprinkled with fiction. Usually has a good sound to it.

Most abused women flee with their child, not without him/her.

The central problem to me is why the long periods without contact?

Did she really turn Kellie "back over" to Clyde and Faye or was custody awarded to them? I think Kellie has said that Faye and Clyde had custody, and I don't think she would say that if she knew different. Of course, Kellie could have been told that by her grandparents. However, if Cynthia were awarded custody, and she left Kellie with them because Kellie was not accepting her at the time, she would have still retained custody, and been able to return to visit and try to mend the relationship, if she had the desire. Instead, she left never to return again. Remember, Bo was in prison most of this time and hence no threat. She could have picked and chosen her time to come and visit.

And hey, what about the telephone? A few phone calls to her daughter without saying the wrong thing (like she ended up doing) would have gone a long way. Kellie has reported one time she tried to talk to her mother on the telephone and her mother retorted, "You're not getting any child support from me!" That was a burned bridge according to Kellie.

As far as Kellie threatening to kill herself...Kellie remembers this incident with a little more detail. Remember, this is from a 10 year old child. Kellie recalled in an interview that her mother took out a knife and placed it on the table in front of Kellie, and made this chilling suggestion to her: "There's a knife, why don't you go ahead and do it!" Yep, all warm and fuzzy Mom, that one.

Those of us with children know this for a fact: there is no way any of us would totally give up on seeing our child, REGARDLESS of custody, Bo Pickler, or the child's attitude....unless we really thought it was in the child's best interest to not be part of their life. Cynthia's spousal abuse does not make her an unfit mother or any danger to Kellie. That excuse to me just doesn't hold water. There is no way in my opinion that a loving and caring mother would abandon all attempts to stay connected to her daughter to try to mend the relationship, even if she could not be there physically.

Mothers....what's your opinion on this important part of Cynthia's story that she excuses her long absence?

My take: Kellie is totally on the mark. Cynthia is a con artist, and probably a sociopathic personality. Certainly not a loving and caring mother that she makes herself out to be. She will I am quite sure never function as Kellie's mother. That ship has sailed. If she and Kellie can have any type of relationship, it entirely up to Kellie, and Father Time.

[agur3046]

I can almost believe Kellie's mother's honesty except that she still hasn't given account to her own abusiveness to her daughter.

Another that counts against her is that she has left her daughter behind: if Clyde Pickler is indeed an abuser, then neather child nor mother is safe because sooner or later, the child wil suffer the abuse.

Knowing Clyer for herself, she should have taken her daughter with her to protect her; the idea that He can never beat Kellie is unbelieveable. Her leaving Kellie tells me that she is unwilling to care for her.

[Countrygal919]

I come in with a totally different than most. I hope that my words won't be misconstrued. To begin with, Mandy Locke is an amazing journalist and a mentor of mine. She has impeccable instincts and her articles are always researched to perfection. She has an amazing eye to find a story among seemingly boring news. That said, Mandy worked the crime beat in Johnston county for 5 years, until being promoted to staff right this spring. (I swear all of this history on Mandy has a purpose just bear with me)

In Johnston county she developed a rapport with what most people would describe as white trash. She became used to telling their stories as humans rather than criminals. You have to be able to do that in order to gain their trust to make them talk to you.

While I deplore what Kellie's mother's actions, I am not willing to simply shut the door and say she hasn't changed. Change is possible in these situations. Especially if someone has worked hard at overcoming abuse. I do think she should have admitted to the abuse she inflicted on Kellie and been more open about the past, but I do not think that her actions in the past give us the right to judge her in the present.

We don't know her, and if she has worked hard to change her life to get right then that's great. It can happen, I can remember watching an Oprah episode about an NFL player who was abused by his father growing up. His father got his act together and the two are rebuilding a healthy relationship.

Is this the case with Kellie's mother? I honestly have no idea, and please don't misunderstand and think I'm trying to say Kellie should welcome her mother back with open arms. But I don't think she should be judged forever and she deserves the benefit of the doubt. If Kellie decides to speak to her mother and begin a relationship with her, it could be an incredibly freeing experience for Kellie. Letting go of all the hurt and pain from years ago. And Kellie is surrounded by amazing friends and family, if she begins a relationship and realizes that she is indeed being conned by her mother, then she will have the strength of heart and the advice of dear friends to end the relationship.

I certainly don't think Kellie should give her mother money or anything like that, but speaking to her is something that I could see happening, but more importantly I hope Kellie makes the right decision for her. If she chooses not to speak to her mom ever again, that is her right and I will support her 100%. However, as fans who don't know the woman behind the actions and stories, I think we should reserve judgment for now.

[Waunice Windham]

Kellie has given her father a few second chances only to be disappointed. She has a lot on her plate with her career, new boy friend etc. It might not be a good idea to open up this avenue at this time. I think if she decides to communicate with her mother she should wait till she has a few more years behind her. I feel she will handle this episode of her life just fine as she has done in the past with things that were not always the best. I can see her changing and growing as a wonderful Christian young woman as I follow her career on a weekly basis. She has done herself proud and I am sure she will continue to do so.

[allie1977]

All I will say is, this interview did make me cry. How much is true , how much is altered only those involved really know.

but, do I feel sorry for Kellie's mom? NO! She left Kellie behind.If he was as abusive as Kellies mom says, HOW could anyone leave there child behind in a situation like that? YOU TAKE them with you!

i dunno,..........I just feel bad for Kellie. With all this in the press.

[browneyes106]

Originally Posted by allie1977

All I will say is, this interview did make me cry. How much is true , how much is altered only those involved really know.

but, do I feel sorry for Kellie's mom? NO! She left Kellie behind.If he was as abusive as Kellies mom says, HOW could anyone leave there child behind in a situation like that? YOU TAKE them with you!

i dunno,..........I just feel bad for Kellie. With all this in the press.

I agree about Kellie's mom saying she left because of the abuse. She could have found a way to take Kellie with her. It's hard to believe what is true and what isn't though. I really felt bad for Kellie when I read last year that he sold a lot of her things on eBay while she was doing the Idols tour. But Kellie still has support from her grandfathers.

[picklerandhockeyrock]

I personally don't believe anything she said. I think she is just trying to get the heat off of her and is willing to do anything she can to do so. she even said that she thought clyde (kellies dad) was going to protect her from her dad, was she trying to say that he was abusive to her as well. And wasn't it her dad that took kellie to her idol audition? She is a con, and a good one at that. It looks like to be she is leaving alot out of her story and is telling people only what she wants them to hear. I am on Team Pickler!! and another thing does it explain why she hit kellie and do you honestly think that she really would have come out and contacted kellie if she wasn't famous, why did she wait until now. I wonder if kellie is going to address any of this...i wonder if they are going to ask her about this on GMA or Regis and kelly? I just hope she knows that well support her and that we have her back.

[KellieandCarrieFan]

Honestly, most mothers would give their own life for their childs. What kind of mom would willingly choose their own life over their childs? Not a caring one that's for sure. If she really believed she was in a dangerous situation then she would have taken her child with her. Most moms I've known have said that they would give their life to protect their child. I can't feel sorry for Kellie's mom because of the way she still won't admit to the damage she did to Kellie. I don't think this is a plea for forgiveness. She's trying to use it as a way to justify her actions and there just isn't any way to justify it. She left her child. There's no getting around that. Lucky for Kellie, she had her grandparents and her singing. Most people don't even have that. My loyalty is with Kellie.

[rwealone]

Originally Posted by KellieandCarrieFan

Honestly, most mothers would give their own life for their childs. What kind of mom would willingly choose their own life over their childs? Not a caring one that's for sure. If she really believed she was in a dangerous situation then she would have taken her child with her. Most moms I've known have said that they would give their life to protect their child. I can't feel sorry for Kellie's mom because of the way she still won't admit to the damage she did to Kellie. I don't think this is a plea for forgiveness. She's trying to use it as a way to justify her actions and there just isn't any way to justify it. She left her child. There's no getting around that. Lucky for Kellie, she had her grandparents and her singing. Most people don't even have that. My loyalty is with Kellie.

AMEN to that!!

[kelliefanmaniac]

i feel bad 4 kellie and not her mom. like allison said, kellies mom the 1 that left her! i feel really bad 4 kellie because of both of her parents. personally,i don't believe anything she said